Potato peeler

Caffeine today: 2 Coffees. No tea. But it’s only 9.30 am

It has been two weeks and three days since we lost our potato peeler. It’s one of the most annoying losses that I have experienced and I’m stumped as to where it could be or how it was lost in the first place. I have aired my frustrations in a poem, but please dear reader bear in mind I am not a poet, I am a middle aged woman confused about a missing potato peeler and has decided to take the odd route of expressing this confusion through rhyme (sometimes tenuous). May the Gods of reason forgive me.

 The Lost Potato Peeler

We have lost our dear potato peeler, strange but true,
Potato peeler, potato peeler, come home, please do.
I had no idea how much I would miss your shaving skill,
Until I carved a two pound potato into the size of a pill.

Your mysterious vanish from our haphazard kitchen,
Has me puzzling, there are only so many places you’ll fit in!
Where the fuck can you be handy utensil of mine?
Is your disappearance a deliberate two fingered sign?

Are you protesting because I’ve bought frozen chips,
Already peeled and luscious on the lips?
It does save time to bung them straight in the oven,
The kids whine for less because it’s quicker to cook ‘em.

But what about dauphinoise and hot pots and mash?
Please don’t make me buy a new one and splash out the cash.
It’s quite hard to lose a potato peeler, this is really very poor.
You only go from the drawer, to potato, to dishwasher, to drawer

Was I drunk? Angry? Too heavy handed?
Did I disappear in a haze when the aliens landed?
I’m baffled how I have lost you my dear potato peeler,
Did you see more profit in becoming a dealer?

I have checked the dishwasher, the other drawers and even the sofa,
(I hope you’re not there, surprising unsuspecting lofas.)
Please turn up, I think I’m going mad,
Your appearance would calm me and make me less sad.

Your loss is a sign that I’m a disorganised mess,
It’s annoying the shit out of me I have to confess.
Potato peeler, potato peeler, I’m sorry, I admit it,
You are the best thing I need for making a chip.

Potato peeler, potato peeler, come home, please do,
Potato peeler, potato peeler, where the fuck are you?

Bea x






2 thoughts on “Potato peeler

  1. Love this! I can totally relate – I’ve lost two potato peelers in as many months and can’t for the life of me figure out where they have gone?! I keep putting off buying another incase one magically turns up, but still no joy! So frustrating and confusing!

    Laura x


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